this is the configure command I used
 ./configure --with-apxs=/usr/local/apache/bin/apxs --with-config-file=/usr/local/lib/ --with-mysql
then I have to go into config.h and change these lines
to 1.

/* Define both of these if you want the bundled REGEX library */
#define REGEX 1
#define HSREGEX 1

(without these lines it'll break at the regex stuff)

then when I go to make, it gives me this error
I added the -w to the apxs perl script so that I could see what was going on more

/usr/local/apache/bin/apxs -c -o libphp3.so -I. -I.  -Wl,'-rpath /usr/lib/mysql' mod_php3.c libmodphp3-so.a -L/usr/local/lib                             -ldb  pcrelib/libpcre.a  -L/usr/lib/mysql -lmysqlclient -lm -ldl -lcrypt -lnsl  -lresolv  -Lpcrelib -lpcre
gcc -DLINUX=2 -DUSE_HSREGEX  -I/usr/local/apache/include -I. -I.  -c mod_php3.c
  -o libphp3.so mod_php3.o libmodphp3-so.a -L/usr/local/lib -ldb pcrelib/libpcre.a -L/usr/lib/mysql -lmysqlclient -lm -ldl -lcrypt -lnsl -lresolv -Lpcrelib -lpcre -rpath /usr/lib/mysql 
Can't exec "-o": No such file or directory at /usr/local/apache/bin/apxs line 224.
apxs:Break: Command failed with rc=16711680